Little Lies

It is about this time of year where I get in a rut. The weather is cruddy and the pressure of grading is creeping up with Christmas break, excuse me- Winter Break, too far away to begin a calendar cross off count down. On top of it, my S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and Anxiety really start to kick in to full gear.

Now, I like to think that I am a healthy person (in all realms of this matter) and that much of our thoughts are things we can control. I will tell you as someone who has depression, it is very real and at times, the chemical imbalance that occurs in my brain does not allow me to control my thoughts in a manner in which I would choose. One thing that is not real, however, is the lies that satan weaves into my mind when it is vulnerable.

The worst of these lies are the fleeting thoughts and minuet fibs that creep in without much consideration. The lies grow and one multiplies into two, two into four, and the bacteria-like growth spins out of control. Before I know it, I cannot hear God's voice, because I stopped listening for it weeks ago. But I never notice that I can't hear it, because the lies are so little, that they appear harmless.

It takes a good friend who knows all seasons of Kaycee (S.A.D. season and not) to speak God's truth and wisdom into me. To lovingly and gently call me out. This friends did just that today.

Lie: It's just an extra 15 minutes on the computer. You really aren't wasting that much time.

Truth: I have been entrusted with time to use to further God's kingdom. I am called to be an heir to the thrown (Hebrews 8:17) and to live a full and blessed life. The time I spend mindlessly is lost forever and I am not enjoying the benefits of the great life God has in store for me.

Ephesians 5:15-16Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Lie: Missing one night of devotionals isn't that big of a deal.

Truth: I am called to be diligently pursuing God. The greatest way to rid falsehood is to cover my heart, mind, and soul with his word which is Truth.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Lie:Maybe I shouldn't have given God control. I bet this could have worked this out much better if I had taken over.

Truth: God has greater plans than I ever could fulfill for myself. (Romans 8:28) He has the whole puzzle pieced together, yet I can only see a fraction of the image. I do not understand God's timing. The reason why He has placed me where I am. Or why he has taken away things I held so dearly.

I do know this - God's ways and thoughts are greater than mine and while at this time, it does not make sense, it is not my job to find the answer.

Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I must trust that God has something far greater than I could ever obtain myself. Even now, I am moved to tears- filled with hope, resisting temptations to form a callused heart, and trying to meet God where I am at - beautifully broken.

God- Help me to search for your Truth and be on guard for the lies that creep into my mind.

Mad Dash Out to the School Bus

Passing time in middle school = 4 minutes of chaos!

I have a love/hate relationship with the passing time in the hallways. On one hand, the noises they make and the commotion caused is tremendously overwhelming. But there is also a part of me that loves watching their interactions and ease dropping on 12 year-old drama.

After my last hour of the day, I head out to help the kids get to the bus. I looked down the hallway and saw one of the teachers standing with her shoulders shrugged, laughing at a student who was laying on the ground with his classmates pouring out on both sides of him. I was intrigued, so I walked against the current (I honestly felt like a salmon swimming up stream.)

The young man, who I will endearingly call "Flicker" (you can ask me how he got that nickname), was giggling himself. Children who have autism are incredibly factual. There is no grey matter, it is all black and white. This child has autism and I was interested to see what happened from his perspective. When I asked my coworker what happened he screamed:

"I ran into them... and then I bounced off of them.. and fell onto the floor!!!!"

This young man had ran directly into his teachers chest or and then projected it loudly down the hallway, with every sixth grader in the school walking past!!!

Resurrected Blog

"You really need to update your blog!"

My friend reminded me of this while sitting down at one of the restaurants I have wanted to try in my neighborhood. With the hustle and bustle of the start of the school year, I seemed to have lost track of my virtual tell - all (or more appropriately "tell-some"). Most of my writings have been going into my hand written journal these past few months due to their personal nature.

Updates from my life thus far:

September has come and gone, the newness of school is no more, time to get down to business. The kids have great personalities and I love my job! I leave my place every morning thinking how bored I would be if I didn't do what I am do for a living.

New Engage Group - I joined a group that is based off of a specific subject matter, rather than demographic. It will be interesting to see what is to come of this group. I was so greatly blessed with a fantastic meal group last year and the dynamics are very different in this new group. With that said, there are many great insights that God has revealed through this new group and I look forward to seeing what I will learn.

St. Paul - I love living in this city! There are so many new places that I am discovering and taking miniature adventures to see! My heart leaps when I get off of the freeway exit and I stare onto the skyline of downtown St. Paul. Sometimes, when it is cool and crisp and the moon is high overhead, I get into my car, roll down the windows, and drive through the barren streets of the Lower-town business district. I have yet to put into words how I feel God in this place, but I do and it lifts my spirit.

How life looks - As of late, I am wrestling spiritually with a lot of recognizing and accepting God's ordained will of my life. This is not to say that I am unthankful for my present circumstances, but I am coming to realize that what I had anticipated my life to be like at this point, is greatly different than where I currently am. Many areas of my life are much better than I had ever anticipated but the Gift is not wrapped the way I thought it would be.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. - Colossians 3:1-4

Difference a Year Makes

In the scheme of things 365 days seems like nothin'!

Last night as I was laying in bed, wide awake mind you at 11:30 (when I intended to be sleeping by 1o:00) I began thinking about where I was at the very moment last year. I thanked God for his:

provisions

- And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phillipians 4:19)

guidance

- In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:6)

As well as the burdens that he carried for me on days when I had no strength to stand.

- Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:30)

I believe strongly that God brings people into your life for a reason. Sometimes for you, sometimes for them, and sometimes for everyone involved. It is very easy to let these chance exchanges and fleeting relations pass by as coincidence. Last night I had a great reminder of God's progress from an exact year ago.

[Preface - I tried to write this story down in a not-so-copy paste matter and it got lengthy. If you care nothing about slightly awkward conversations/scenarios... close the browser now.]

I was sending a text to some of my friends who were teachers wishing them a good first day. I received a text back from from my friend "Kayla" (who I really thought was Kayla at the time) stating:

"I am not in school anymore but thanks. I have no contacts anymore cuz I got a new phone. Who is this?"

I initially assumed there was a slight miscommunication and that when I replied with my name, the matter would be cleared up.

When I replied "This is Kaycee" and received a "Kaycee Who?" back, I began to question who I was talking to... not for long.

The texter then informed me who HE was and that I had the wrong number. This is the same guy who AN EXACT YEAR AGO, I had met and learned a lot about God's divine plan for my life through him. (Like even if he is "Freakin' perfect"... he is not perfect FOR YOU.) Without going into the nitty gritty details of my dating life I can confirm that this man was not "freakin' perfect - he liked the Yankees. (Should have known right there that it never would have worked out).

Last night I prayed that God would remind me of how far we have come together and he showed me instantly! (Okay, well about 4 minutes or so...) I pray that you may ask of God and experience, God willing, his immediate answer.

Sign of the Times

I got a new phone today and I knew that I had crossed into true adulthood when I could not for the life of me figure out how to type a punctuation into my phone. Goodness, I can barely figure out how to make a call with the new thing. All this "Touch Screen" business is getting me flustered.

Went back into work for Teacher Workshops this week. I am really going to work at setting boundaries for myself in regards to the amount of hours that I am spending working on things. I know that I will be the best teacher for my students when I take time for myself. It is so easy to get caught up in perfecting everything, that rarely anything gets done. It felt odd to be leaving the building at the regular time, but I think I will get used to it :)

(Disclaimer: This portion of my writing is more or less so I have it written down as a reminder when it is about November and I am considering going in from 5:30 am to 6:30 pm, like I did last year.)

After school I came home and with all the extra time I had (okay I don't have much to work on yet...) I listened to a podcast sermon. The man I was listening to is fairly forward and just says it like it is. I love how this guy just lays it on the line. I normally would be turned off to hearing a message from such a speaker, but this guy has lived life and is credible due to his experiences...

I listened to the whole sermon and I really didn't feel like there was that much that pertained to me or my current life circumstances (how selfish of me to think that way- I know). It wasn't until I hit the last 5 minutes of the 5o minute sermon that I heard something...

Acts 17: 26b - 27 ... and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. [Wherever we are, God has a purpose for that placement] God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. [He is not far from each of us because he is with us].

I am by no means a philosophical or theological person, but the part that amazes me about God is that he really does love us enough to give us free will. This verse would not be as powerful if God didn't give us a choice. God is also a God of redeeming love. When I totally screw up his plans for me, he repositions himself to get be back on track to where he had me going. Wherever I am right now is where God wants me to be.

"Effin' Good Cookies"

I have a friend named Megan, we call her "Levs". Every Sunday (or fairly close to it) we talk on the phone. Our last conversation was very deep and heavy. However, in the midst of this rather profound conversation, Levs brought up a past experience that I had me laughing out loud on my doorstep!

In college, our track coach used to host these "intentional hangouts" in the middle of campus. It first started out as Fellowship of Christian Athletes people, and then progressed into anyone who wanted to show Christ's love in a tangible way. We would show up and sit at the gazebo, waiting for people to walk past. We would discuss course work, give directions to restaurants and bars, and offer home-made food to those who stopped by. The last part was my favorite part of the whole thing.

Now I know I should not be prideful in things, and I will pray for forgiveness as soon as I type this, but these cookies I made were freakin' AMAZING! I loved Thursday nights, just because I could make 100+ cookies and then relish the glory as people raved about the ooey-gooey bits of heaven they were consuming. (Goodness... this sounds so terrible but I loved those affirmations!!!)

One chilly fall night, a friendly and greatly intoxicated young man came by to say "hello", which actually means he heard there were free warm cookies and he wanted some. By this point of the year, there were quiet a few students who knew they would be able to get a snack before going downtown on Thursday nights. This young man enjoyed the cookies quiet a bit and was incredibly vocal. After inhaling his first two cookies he turned to me and said. "S@!$, these are some F'ing good cookies. No really, I mean good, so effin' good!!!! .

He continued this for a bit longer, adding a few more profane words. He then went on to ask who we were and what we were doing out on such an "F-ing cold night!". I can't recall exactly what was said or who said it, but I do remember him looking at us a bit dumbfounded, hesitating for a moment, and then complimenting me once again using his usual jargon.

From that night on the cookies had a new name- one that I am sure Betty Crocker would shake her head at in disgust.

Kaycee’s “F*n good cookies”

2.5 c. all-purpose flour

1 tsp. baking soda

¾ c. Blue Bonnet stick, melted and cooled

1.5 c. brown sugar

1 egg

2 tsp. vanilla extract

1 c. semi-sweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Combine flour and baking soda. Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, combine melted Blue Bonnet and brown sugar. Mix Well. Stir in egg and vanilla extract until well blended. Add dry mixture and stir until just combined. Stir in chocolate chips.
4. For each cookie, drop a heaping tablespoon of dough onto a cookie sheet, leaving about 2.5 inches b/t each. Bake at 350 for 9-11 minutes or until edges harden and centers are still soft.

Revelations Upon Arriving Back Home

Before leaving for Europe, I prayed that God would reveal himself to me in ways that I did not know him. My entire life, all be-it a rather short period in perspective, but the only one I have known, has been an internal battle against my abilities to strive, pursue, and make whatever I willed to be rather than completely surrendering to God. However, the more I have come to know and understand who God is (and the more I know, the more I realize I don't know... oh goodness -that is quiet the conundrum. Psalms 147:5) I want to freely and whole-heartily surrender.

There is much from this trip and upon returning to process. Much that I would have been tempted to grab the reigns and try to take over, but I desire His plan and purpose, and for the first time, my heart is stirred to give it all up; to open my palms and place it into his hands. My might is weak, my abilities minuscule, and my foresight is blind. But "the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them- the LORD, who remains faithful forever." (Psalms 146:6) is strong, mighty, and all-knowing. God yearns for his people so much that he sent and sacrificed his own Son's life, that we may have a glimpse of His unfaltering love.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

There are so many things that God is revealing to me and if I had the words to articulate them eloquently I would try, but it would not do adequate justice to how my soul is moved. What I can say is this - God is great and as my fear for his Almighty power grows, my heart is softened and my will becomes His. I am so thankful for God's Spirit of wisdom and revelation that he is bestowing upon me to know him better. (Ephesians 1:17)

Notre Dame Cathedral

Notre Dame Cathedral

No wonder Quazimoto was a hunchback... look at what he had to work with! (Sitting in the bell tower and Dana working her way out of the doorway.)

Direct quote from Megan Ness- "I want to find whoever invited the spiral stair case and punch them in the face." Well said Ness!

Arriving in Paris and the Eiffel Tower

Arriving in Paris!

Visiting the Eiffel Tower

The Fantastic Views! (L- Hotel room, R- Top of the Pantheon)

Traveling Love

My passport is quickly filling as we found our way back to the British Isles in Scotland!

I am continually reminded of God's enduring blessings in both the big and small, simple and profound.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. - John 15:13

One of the areas that I am just starting to scratch the surface of understanding is what love really looks like. True, authentic, Christ-like love.

This became evident once our plane landed in Paris and we were bombarded with the sights of self-seeking love lined along the streets. Being a bit of a romantic myself, the couples enthralled with one another did not bother me much... for the first 3 hours!!! It did not take long to feel a sense of emptiness and sadness within the cafes and parks as we strolled through.

While traveling, and since a large portion of our time is spent on public transportation I have been reading two books. The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman is a book that I can honestly say I had summarized through word of mouth but never actually read through a single page of it. (If you haven't read it yet, you are more than welcome to read my copy at the low cost of one Iced Americano ;)) Rather than summarizing the book and sacrificing the possibility of a cold coffee, I will refrain from pulling a cliff-notes and summarizing each chapter.

Rather, I will tell you how great it was to read this book while traveling with two dear friends. The book was such a quick read that we all were able to scan through it and discover what our own individual love languages are and how that effects each other. Interestingly enough, we all have different love languages and it has been a challenge to choose to love in a manner that is other than my own primary love language.

I have to choose to hug Dana and rub her back when she is feeling down or tired. I have to choose to make the bed for Ness or carry her luggage up the flight of steps. Just as they both choose to encourage and affirm me verbally even when I think I lose my airplane ticket at the security desk of Heathrow airport (That last one is hypothetical of course.)

The greatest example of love came on a tattered cross, in which suffering endured. Such great love, that Christ took on sin which He had not known. An understanding I have yet to fathom, but am eternally grateful of it's immeasurably outstanding implications of my life.

This Darn French Keyboard

Bonjour from Paris!!

We have successfully made it to France! It is very different from London ( A city which I loved dearly). The most challenging point up to this trip has been adjusting to the french customs, lifestyle, and language barriers. I have a greater understanding of the evening ESL students who use my classroom.

There is so much I would like to post for you all but the Louvre closes at 5... cant keep Mona Lisa waiting :)

More photos and updates will come when we land in Scotland!

Public Transport, Paparazzi, Circus, Globe Theater

Whheeww... we are tuckered out! Dana, Ness, and I have walked up and down the streets of London and have rode on every train and bus route that this town has (at least it feels that way)

We started our day going to Piccadilly Circus and purchased our tickets to see Wicked. It was also celebrity central that day. Not only was the A-Team Premiere that night, we met the Paparazzi... when we told them they couldn't take our picture anymore, they got mean.

What a show! We went to the production of Anne Boylen at the Globe and it was fantastic! There was no photography allowed during the performance, but we did get some a few pictures as well as a video that does the arena more justice.

Aching Feet

The first day that Ness and I were awake enough to walk around London, we took the "Dana Olson- You -Don't - Need -to- Pay -for - a- Bus-, I will just walk you everywhere myself- Tour".

The saying a picture says 1000 words really rings true. Posted above are pictures from our day trip as well as a few videos. Enjoy!!

(Additionally, I am huge hypocrite and wore what I make fun of grown women for doing in the states - but Dana said it was cool here- and then we all went and jumped off a bridge, because everyone was doing it! Here is to Leggings! Cheers ;))

Not your Typical London Home

Landing

Ness (first name Megan, but we call her by her last name) and I arrived in London this afternoon at 12:00 p.m. United Kingdom Time. I have spent a majority of my day resting, trying to be-gone the motion sickness that occured on the flight over here... plus there were just so many people everywhere. A bit exhausting for an introvert like my self :)

Blog Title

Interesting that the title of my Blog Site implies traveling to some extent. While this blog was initially created to archive my journey across the sea... the title has no correlation to the trip.

This past year has been a year of enlightenment. God is moving me to places of discomfort and uncertainty and through the entire process, I continually find my self, not so eloquently, or even correctly for that matter, attempting to quote Phillipians 4:10. Rather than giving my inadequate synopsis, Paul states it best: " ... for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."

Without going into the nitty gritty details of every intricacy of my life, I will tell you this- The grass has always been greener on the other side... until this point. This is not to say that there are not better things out there, for I believe there are still greater things to come, but I am beginning to see that the green does not appear when I get there, but rather, it's hue becomes evident along the way.

So here is to going to the other side... half the world away... realizing no matter where I go, it's always green. Looking forward to "Enjoying the Journey".