Little Lies

It is about this time of year where I get in a rut. The weather is cruddy and the pressure of grading is creeping up with Christmas break, excuse me- Winter Break, too far away to begin a calendar cross off count down. On top of it, my S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and Anxiety really start to kick in to full gear.

Now, I like to think that I am a healthy person (in all realms of this matter) and that much of our thoughts are things we can control. I will tell you as someone who has depression, it is very real and at times, the chemical imbalance that occurs in my brain does not allow me to control my thoughts in a manner in which I would choose. One thing that is not real, however, is the lies that satan weaves into my mind when it is vulnerable.

The worst of these lies are the fleeting thoughts and minuet fibs that creep in without much consideration. The lies grow and one multiplies into two, two into four, and the bacteria-like growth spins out of control. Before I know it, I cannot hear God's voice, because I stopped listening for it weeks ago. But I never notice that I can't hear it, because the lies are so little, that they appear harmless.

It takes a good friend who knows all seasons of Kaycee (S.A.D. season and not) to speak God's truth and wisdom into me. To lovingly and gently call me out. This friends did just that today.

Lie: It's just an extra 15 minutes on the computer. You really aren't wasting that much time.

Truth: I have been entrusted with time to use to further God's kingdom. I am called to be an heir to the thrown (Hebrews 8:17) and to live a full and blessed life. The time I spend mindlessly is lost forever and I am not enjoying the benefits of the great life God has in store for me.

Ephesians 5:15-16Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Lie: Missing one night of devotionals isn't that big of a deal.

Truth: I am called to be diligently pursuing God. The greatest way to rid falsehood is to cover my heart, mind, and soul with his word which is Truth.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Lie:Maybe I shouldn't have given God control. I bet this could have worked this out much better if I had taken over.

Truth: God has greater plans than I ever could fulfill for myself. (Romans 8:28) He has the whole puzzle pieced together, yet I can only see a fraction of the image. I do not understand God's timing. The reason why He has placed me where I am. Or why he has taken away things I held so dearly.

I do know this - God's ways and thoughts are greater than mine and while at this time, it does not make sense, it is not my job to find the answer.

Isaiah 55:8-9 - For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I must trust that God has something far greater than I could ever obtain myself. Even now, I am moved to tears- filled with hope, resisting temptations to form a callused heart, and trying to meet God where I am at - beautifully broken.

God- Help me to search for your Truth and be on guard for the lies that creep into my mind.